The First Circle of Denim Hell (Limbo)

By | October 31, 2013

I am not that plump, nor am I that short. But put a little plumpness on a 5’1″ (okay 5′1/2″) package and the result is complete pant vexation.

All I want is a pair of boot cut or straight leg jeans that don’t look all bedazzled or goofy. The clincher is that I’d really prefer a petite length. Buying regular jeans and hemming them tends to result in an ill-fitting pant. Oh, I’d also prefer a non-stretchy denim with a very dark wash.

I guess I am asking too much.

My journey started online…

I did find a pair of (boot cut, petite, not stretchy with normal pockets) Levi’s I liked online! But I soon discovered that authorized U.S. retailers of Levi Strauss & Co.® products will not accept orders from outside the United States.

Um, what?

Well, that does not exactly explain why the Levi’s Canada site has no damn shopping cart. Can’t authorized Canadian retailers of Levi Strauss & Co.® products accept orders from inside, you know, Canada? Yeah, I can look at all the styles, but Lord help me if I actually want to buy the pair I’d like.

I did not find any other pants online except these at Eddie Bauer. They’re not bad, but I am not in love with them. The pockets are a bit smallish and the boot cut looks a little too wide. The only plus is I know that Eddie Bauer clothes fit me nicely. (Most of my wardrobe comes from the holy trinity of Eddie Bauer, Lands’ End or L.L.Bean.)

So the plan now is to actually go into some stores and begin weeping openly.

In the likely event that I don’t find some jeans I like, my next step is getting a pair made to my exact plump and short specifications.

I’ll keep you posted. I know you can’t wait to hear the happy ending to this story.

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