muddle…

By | October 17, 2007

I am a very hard worker. I’m not brilliant and I sometimes muddle through things but the fact that I try really hard makes a difference.

I’m interested in learning about things I don’t know and I feel real joy when a project goes well. At the same time, I’m afraid of failing and not meeting my goals. The key word here is my. My goals are sometimes too ambitious and quite often success is not in my hands alone. This can drive me nuts.

Plus, I am a worrier. I don’t go mad with worry but I do tend to dwell on things and try to figure out solutions. Sometimes they come to me at night and I get up, write them down, and put them in my bag. I can actually read these notes about half of the time — my handwriting is terrible — but I always remember what I was thinking.

I like to talk about my projects and explore all the angles — and I know I can go on…and on…

But I’m happy. I know I’m this way — I always have been. I’m not going to change and that’s okay.

Maybe I should have become a scientist or a doctor. Communications is not going to save the world or save a life. But this is what I chose and it’s important to me.

I’m not practicing for an interview (I’d leave out the part about the midnight notes if I were as that perhaps makes me sound a bit wacko) — I was just thinking about this tonight for some reason.

I joke about retiring at 40 to commit myself to writing but the reality is I could never stay home alone and type all day. I need to go to work and interact with people. I need meetings and projects and memos.

Something tells me that I better start planning a vacation.

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