I would rather solve for x than deal with another mintute of this

By | October 20, 2009

I am still not smoking — 27 smoke-free days and counting…

I expected it be hard and it is. It is harder than anything I have ever done and that includes Macro and Micro Economics in university.

But I didn’t expect to be thinking about smoking all the damn time. I wake up wanting to smoke and I go to sleep wanting to smoke. I want to smoke all day long at work. I want to smoke right now!

What’s funny is that I want to smoke now far more often than I ever actually did in real life — I certainly didn’t smoke several times an hour. And when I smoked I didn’t spend all my time thinking about when I would have my next one.

They (or at least most of them) say that after a few months (months!) I can expect to go several hours without thinking about smoking.

Right now I can go about 30 minutes before I want a cigarette and need to tell myself (rather sternly) that I don’t smoke anymore.

The physical need is gone. But the desire to have one has not.

What scares me is a friend — one who quit smoking years ago — said the cravings never go away completely. They can last forever for some people.
I am pretty pissed off at 15 year old Christine who got me into this mess. Stupid teenagers.

The sad thing is that if I could look into the future and learn that I was one of the very lucky ones who escapes a smoking related illness, I would still be smoking up a storm right now.

But I can’t. So I am not.

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